Are skinny jeans destroying or lowering your sperm count?


According to  medical advice your chances of having children are hampered considering the tight fitting pants you wear. They are warning of an epidemic of “low sperm count and bladder weakness” among young males. We presume they mean tight jeans worn by the likes of Whizkid and UNILAG (sorry MAU) students. I was at a show recently and once W4 mounted the stage, the women around me talked non-stop bout the tightness of his pants and the bulge that was unavoidably visible to one side. A fashion statement if I may say so.

Besides, the news is terrifying enough for veterans of the skinny jean era. For a few years  now they’ve struggled manfully into some quite ludicrous garments – often requiring the help of a friend, relative in order to achieve sartorial fulfillment. The reward? To be told that your balls now resemble garden eggs and a generation is about to be left unable to spawn or even do fun sexy time without creasing up in agony. But maybe this news could be a positive thing. The Nigeria is overpopulated and we need drastic action to reduce this. Could the skinny jeans be saving the environment and the future of mankind? I still think it’s a fight skinny jean wearers should not give up easily.

Dr Ibrahim Tukur advises wearers to “leave plenty of room around the groin area” and begs us “please don’t put style before health”. But without “style over health” there’d be virtually no good fashion statements at all. Do you think Goldie (our own Lady Gaga) or Derenle think about health and safety when they were getting dressed?

Besides, there is evidence to suggest these stories are alarmist. Tight pants are not a modern phenomenon – James Brown squeezed into some terrifyingly narrow threads and remained generally pretty good at the whole shagging thing. FELA was one of the pioneers of scrotum-hugging denim, and he managed to produce offsprings.




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